Why I was hooked to Pro-Wrestling

Back when we were in school, maybe 3rd - 4th standard, there was this huge WWF (now called WWE) fad. It was the best thing on TV, and every single kid in Ahmedabad (India) was hooked on to it. It was basically pro-wrestling, but with soap opera like twists.

Now when I think back, the whole thing was embarrassingly silly, but back then, I totally believed it all to be real and true. I think everyone did.

We used to follow the WWF events with religious regularity. This one time, the WWF hyped up a match as “The match of the century - The Undertaker vs Yokozuna”. Everyone was hooked, and there were all kinds of rumors floating around.

Kid #1: “Oh man! The ‘Dark Thunder Match’ is next Monday. Are you all ready?”

Me: “Ready for what?”

Kid #2: “Haven’t you heard? The UnderTaker has come back from the dead to fight for revenge”

Me: “Really?”

Kid #1: “Yes. He’s going to take his revenge on Yokozuna, who tricked The UnderTaker’s soul into getting caught in the ‘Death Trap from Beyond’…”

Kid #2: “…but The UnderTaker returned from the dark side. “You can’t capture those already dead” he said in the interview today.”

Me: “Ooooooo…Now what happens?”

Kid #2: “We HAVE to buy UnderTaker T-shirts to ward off the evil spirits. The TV-commentator said so.”

Kid #1: “If The UnderTaker loses, then the ‘Spirit of the Black Horse’ will be set free…”

Kid #2: “…and it will eat away and destroy all the world!”

Me: “Oh No! What are we going to do?”

I spent the rest of the day very depressed. I was convinced that the world was going to end, because The UnderTaker was going to loose and we were all going to die. The next day, after I reached home…

Me: “Dad, give me 150 rupees”

Dad: “For what?”

Me: “I have to buy the UnderTaker T-Shirt. Otherwise the evil spirits will eat us all”

Dad: “What? Who told you that?”

Me: “The TV commentator on WWF”

Dad: “It’s a trick. They want you to buy their stuff.”

Me: “NOOOOO…You don’t understand. If The UnderTaker looses the Dark Thunder, the Spirits of the Black Horse will eat us all”

Dad: “Who’s UnderWear?”

Me: “Aarrrrgghhh….DAD, YOU WILL GET US ALL KILLED. You have insulted The Undertaker. He does not like that”

Dad: “Listen. You can tell your UnderTaker that Tomatoes are 5 rupees a KG! Ask him to get some Tomatoes from the Dark Side or wherever he lives, and then we’ll see about your T-Shirt. And not to mention school fees these days…”

Me: “Oh No! What have you done? The World is going to end BECAUSE OF YOU!“

Dad: “Thank you, you’re welcome.”

And finally the D-day came. The match was going to start at 4:30, but school was till 3:30. I couldn’t believe that the school didn’t declare a half-day for the match - considering the world was going to end and all. Stupid Principal. Anyway, right after school, my friends and I rushed back home and sat in front of the TV.

It was a spectacular match. The UnderTaker called on the Evil Spirits, and beat the crap out of Yokuozuna with dustbins, chairs, tables and whatever else he could find, and pushed him into a coffin. The UnderTaker won, and the world was saved. Phew! We could all breathe again.

2 days later:

Kid #1: “Oh man! The ‘Ninja Match’ is next Monday. Are you all ready?”

Me: “What?”

Kid #2: “Didn’t you hear? Yokozuna is back and is looking for revenge…”